Hoping everyone is having a great week! Sending a warm welcome to our new members, feel free to browse the site and enjoy our community.
You'll find a new style of article being posted on both our Ning and Wetpaint sites. These are embeddable flash articles from Scribd , if you have trouble viewing these articles just update your flash component by going to Adobe, it's free!
This week has seen me busy making more little inspirational videos. Despite their short play time they are rather time consuming to make. By the time I find the graphics, and I'm fussy, the quote or prose and then music that suits, it can take up to 4-5 hours and that's not including editing,transitions and effects. However, the reward is great if someone somewhere can get something out of the end result. The latest videos are called If and Believe and next time you're on site go peek.
In the net week or so there will be a new group pop up on site which will provide support for those people who are carers for people/loved ones with cancer. Anyone who is experiencing this sort of scenario or has a loved one diagnosed with cancer or if you wish to provide support..you are welcome to join. I will send out a general email when the group is established. Your main group leader will be a new member to United In Spirit- Stan Scott so feel free to get to know him, a great man with a great cause.
If any of you are interested in establishing a group, leading a group (existing or new) or perhaps leading a class, feel free to drop me an email.
Heaven is Within
by Lia Meil and Merith WhiteEagle
Heaven an awakened dream manifesting before our eyes...Just a
Fantasy most believed by the old controllers of the game... Now is
Real and is coming in.... as the New Stage of creation....A Garden
of Eden Now all may play....and re-member each as Divinity and
Magical Celestial beings....
The Truth of Real Love will burst forth this treasury...this Love
gift for all of Humanity....Eternity becomes the new Name of the
game and death will no longer exist as it now is in the Dual
reality....Heaven is a state of HEART in which you see...pleasure
and perfection inside of ones being...True freedom and Living Life
The Highest Possible outcome is being called by Prime Creator...as
the Old story ends....and a smooth transition has been requested for
a Supreme Divine plan which is this....All Karma[ego/mind] and
Negativity is to be forgiven with Grace and Forgiveness...This is
the Law of Love and of Light...
Humans must realize that they have all come here by contract all are
Angels in Disguise...and everyone came to earth for this Grand
opportunity...all must wake up and see this has all been just a
game, a Dream...of Duality and Seperation....Now ALL of it is be
Earth is a Planet of Grace..Our Upcoming roles is that we will Truly
demonstate this Grace and This Love...so everyone from a part of
this Galaxy can come here and Observe the results...and to realize
that the New Model earth affects every part of this Galaxy...This
Star...This planet was put in this universe..and this Galaxy..for
the purpose of becoming one of the Great showcases...or models...of
Light and Of Love... of COMPLETE FORGIVENESS....
By our example many of the Undecided or dark beings will see the
actual application of the Creators Force' s Grace and so they too
may ascend...they too may enter that timeless Realm of Light...that
is truly a Heavenly one...This is what our planet is all about..
This is the Great Mission of our manifestation and all upon it...We
are entering into a new Age when our Destiny will be fufilled...So...
....The Army of Angels press forward the truth from within....even
if they must go one hand to one hand one heart to one heart
To be the Examples of True Love in Action....we have been called to
Shine the Lights as the Morning stars of a new generation...For we
see and have found the divine light within...and are guided
gracefully by our hearts of truth and love ...we have discovered God
within.....and are awakening to OUR Highest Potential for the
Highest and Best Outcome for Humanity....
A Divine Plan from eons ago now is activated....to take humanity
into a Level of whole and of One....Heaven is real look inside and
you will see its totally free and its true love... Love is simply
this...Love is Real because it is whole...Peace is real because it
is sound and God is real because he/she is Eternal...What is not
Eternal, Whole, and Sound is simply not real and has no
The task at hand is to reveal what is real...Love....and only
love....What has been created whole cannot be divided...to percieve
perfection as imperfect and to see what is really true as false is
only fear and fear is false evidence appearing real..In Truth we are
not Our bodies at all but SPIRITS....Heaven is Real....Be a part of
the solution ....Love oneself and Discover God and then Discover who
you truly are....Discover Heaven is within......
I am Universal Love Meditation
by John Price
I am Universal Love in radiant expression and I know love as I
have never loved before in my life. I silently, powerfully and
intensely radiate my love, and I sent it everywhere without
exception. I see it flowing to my family and my loved ones . I see
the Cosmic Rays of Love flowing before me to envelope and permeate
everyone in my consciousness.
Those who have rejected me, who have hurt me, who have not reconized
my true worth, I send my love to you with no conditions attached. I
love you for who and what you are. I love everyone without
exception. I am the mightly power of God's love in radiant
expression, and I let love go before me to heal and harmonize every
condition in my life.
Spirit of the Living God within, I am your love. I am your love in
expression and I will keep this love vibration in my heart and
thoughts of love in my mind, moment by moment, hour by hour, day by
day, for I know that as I begin to love more and more, every
limitation in my life will vanish and my personal world will become
whole and joyous.
And the light is growing and spreading. My light of love is joining
others who have opened the Crystal of love and together we are
saturating this world with love. The healing has begun, it is
happened now, and I am doing my part to dissolve the limitations of
humankind and restore this world to sanity.
I love as I have never loved before. I can love because I know Who
and What I am. I am Love, and I will never hold back my love. I will
let it forever flow unconditionally, universally, divinely,
I am Love, and I rest now in the silence, thinking only of the love
I am, and the love I give, and the love I receive.
All There Is ~ Is Love
Relax and let go. Be still in mind and emotions, and bring the focus
of your attention to your heart center where the permanent Atom of
Universal Love is located. Say to yourself:
I am love, I am loved, I am loving.
I feel the love Vibration
in my heart.....
I feel it expanding throughout my body.
All there is
In your minds eye see that Atom of Universal Love in your heart
center. Imagin it as a shining Cyrstal of Love, a glistening Jewel
of Love. Contemplate it. Focus on the Love Diamond with clarity of
vision, and know that all the love in the universe is concentrated
right there, within you. Now in your imagination see it slowly open
to release its light. See the radiant rays begin to flow, moving and
filling your entire energy field....your mind, your feelings, your
body. See yourself as a radiating Center of Divine Love. See the
Love Essence radiating and filling the room where you are, and
continuing to flow in streams of Golden Light....moving accross the
land to encircle the entire planet. See the radiance of your
Permanet Atom of Universal Love flowing like a mightly stream and
see the world filled with the Light of Love. Now say to yourself:
I am Universal Love in radiant expression ....
I am Universal Love by John Price
Soul Satisfying Journeys: Making Choices
Our journeys are about making choices. Whether it is a choice about
where to go, how to go or when to go, the choice determines our
outcome. Soul satisfying journeys are mindful trips that include
self- awareness and a look within ourselves. This pertains to any
journey, be it from place to place, action to action or decision to
The sum of our choices constitutes our life. The journey we take from
start to finish. We may not always make the proper choices, but we
are always allowed the ability to make another. No matter how far
down the "wrong" road we may be, this road we chose, we chose for a
reason. Here in lies life's lessons. Learn the lesson, then make your
next choice. This is how we discover the daily journeys in a span of
time that is ours and ours alone.
"Life is designed by our soul and spirit as our moment-by-moment
opportunity to expand our consciousness."
Tips for a Soul Satisfying Journey
1. The Power of Positive Thinking: Negativity is the root that
undermines our free flow of thought. The negative ideas we think can
manifest in the words we speak. The minute the words leave your lips,
is the minute they manifest. Change your thoughts to positive,
uplifting ones. Think hope not hopelessness. Think goodness, not
evil. Think joy not despair. Energy follows thought. Program thought
to be positive and your energy will reflect it!
2. Networking : When traveling on any journey, take the time to meet
those who cross your path. If you believe in Universal Attraction,
then your purpose for those you meet will unfold.
3. Find Quiet Time: Turn off the cell phone, power down the laptop,
cut yourself off from the constant world of communication. Try doing
it for 15 minutes. Then add another 15 minutes. Build your time up to
an hour, two hours, perhaps all day. Do you remember time before
these communication tools?
4. Find Time To Meditate: Become aware of your breath. Learn to close
your eyes, sit comfortable and smell the air around you. Enjoy the
sounds of nature or your favorite music. Enjoy the many meditations
in the meditation village.
5. Enjoy the Company of Those Around You: If you are on vacation with
your significant other, your family or children, give them your full
and undivided attention. Not only will you understand your will power
but you will truly show your loved ones how important your time is
6. Pamper Yourself : Take this time to enjoy a massage. Take a yoga
class or give yourself a soothing bath or spa treatment. Do something
for yourself that you would not normally do.
7. Be Flexible: You have a rigid, set schedule at work, with the kids
or in your daily routine. Learn a lesson from the willow tree and its
ability to bend in the great wind. Where as, when we are rigid like
the old oak tree, we can easily break apart under the stress of
change. Learn to relax and follow the path unfolding before you.
8. Become More Mindful: Mindfulness is the act of being fully aware
of what happens in each moment. Try living in the NOW. Be present.
Honor each moment you are given. Acknowledge each task you take.
9. Really Appreciating: what we DO have as opposed to what we would
like to have, makes a significant difference. This is always an
important element in any journey that is often neglected.
10. Find Happiness in Simplicity: and you will find the greatest joys
yet revealed to you. Smile when you talk on the phone. Great everyone
you pass by or meet today, with a smile. Appreciate the smell of the
air, the warmth of the sun and the laughter in children. Make that
the stepping stones of your travels.
Andrew Pacholyk, MS L.Ac
ANGELIC ALIGNMENT MEDITATION
First I would like you to take three deep, cleansing breaths with your eyes open. Then I want you to stretch. Stretch every muscle from head to toe. Now close your eyes and as you close them, feel yourself beginning to relax. Take a deep breath and relax. And another. Feel the tension move out of your body. Take another deep breath. You are relaxing more and more, relaxing every muscle of your body from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. You are beginning to be very comfortable. You are in a comfortable position, so you can simply relax and enjoy this feeling. Inhale and exhale, and as you exhale release any tension and any stress out of your body, mind, and thoughts; just let it go and relax. Feel those stressful thoughts begin to wind down and down and down. As you relax you are becoming more aware of the God and the Goddess, and you are aware of your guardian angel right next to you. Feel the light and healing of your guardian angel all around you. Relax and let it go. Let go and feel the universal healing all around you. Notice how very comfortable you body is beginning to feel.
Angels will only help you if you ask them, so right now, in your mind, I would like you to ask the angels for their help while you undergo the angelic alignment. Do this now. (wait 15 seconds.) And now I would like you to reach out in your mind and ask for your guardian angel to be with you during this angelic alignment. Do this now. (Wait 15 seconds.)
Take a deep breath now. Let it out. In and out. Relax. You hear only the sound of my voice, no sounds around you will disturb you. All other sounds will be distant. Breathe in the light and let out all negativities. Relaxing, even breathing.
#1 I would like you to imagine the angel Raphael floating above your head and the angel Raphael is going to touch the top of your head and send healing energy down through your body. Raphael is the angel of healing. *** This energy is going to push all the negativity, frustration, fear, and worry out of your body. +++++ Slowly pushing down past your eyes, relaxing the muscles around your eyes, your nose, down past your mouth, relaxing your jaw, and into your neck. This energy moves the unhappiness, stress and negativity down and out of your body. Down through your shoulders, your upper arms, your lower arms, out through your hands, into your fingers and out your fingertips, out of your body. The energy moves down through you chest, your stomach, pushing all the negativity, fear, and frustration out of your body. Down through your pelvis, your hips, your thighs, your knees, your calves, into your feet and out of your toes. All the unwanted feelings are pouring out of your body.
#2 Angel Michael floats above you. Visualize his strength and purity hovering above your head. St Michael is going to touch to top of your head, and he is going to send loving strength down through your body, instilling you with honor and dignity, moving away any blocks you are experiencing. Now he touched the top of your head. ***He is now sending loving strength down through your body,
instilling you with honor and dignity, moving away any blocks you are experiencing. Now he touched the top of your head. Feel his warm energy trickling down through your body +++++ past your forehead, eyes, nose, mouth , relaxing your jaw. You feel safe and secure, loose and limp, hearing only the sound of my voice. You are sinking deeper into relaxation. You feel so comfortable as it moves down into your neck, your shoulders, your upper arms, lower arms, hands and out your fingertips. Safe and secure, loose and lim. Energy moves down your chest, into your back, feel the soothing energy move down your back into your hips, your pelvis, thighs, knees, loose and limp, into your calves, safe and secure, down into your feet and out through your toes.
#3 Feeling heavy, floating; you are floating in angelic love, peace, and harmony. And now the angel Gabriel hovers above you. She is the angel of rebirth and transformation and as she touched the top of your head she is going to send special energy into your body --- the energy of change. She is going to give you the gift of happiness and balance in your life. Now she touched you, feel her gentle energy move down past your forehead, eyes, nose and mouth. Feel the gift of second This pleasant energy moves into your neck, shoulders, upper and lower arms, into your hands and out through your fingertips. Safe and secure, loose and limp. Feel the energy of Gabriel flowing down through your neck, shoulders, upper and lower arms, into your hands, and out through your fingertips. Sage and secure, loose and limp. Feel Gabriel's flowing energy down through your chest, back, soothing relaxation moving into your hips, your pelvis, down into your knees, regenerating your essence, bringing harmony into your life and body, down into your calves, feet and out through your toes.
#4 The angel Uriel hovers above you, waiting to instill in you the wisdom of magick and prophecy. The angel Uriel will bestow upon you the eye of the spirit, those angelic eyes that will help you in your daily life. Now the angel Uriel touches the top of your head, sending this gift into every molecule of your body, every portion of your mind. You are safe and secure. Down this energy travels into the very core of your being. Down past your forehead, eyes, giving you the gift of second sight, past your nose, mouth, giving you the gift of prophecy, melting into your mind, instilling in you the wisdom of the elders, past your neck and into your shoulders. Loose and limp. Safe and secure. Accept the gifts that are being bestowed upon you. Down into your upper and lower arms, into your fingers and out your fingertips. Down through your chest, giving you compassion and loving healing, down your back, pelvis, hips, loose and limp, safe and secure, thighs, knees, calves, into your feet and into your toes.
FLOATING; you are floating in a vortex of angelic energy. Feel the peace and harmony of the universe around you.
NOW , your guardian angel will help you align your spiritual, mental, and physical body. The angel first touches your physical body, Feel it tingling, growing warm and in harmony with the universe.
NOW your guardian angel touches your mental body, bringing it into alignment with your physical body.
NOW YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL TOUCHES YOUR SPIRITUAL BODY. IT IS LIKE EXPENSIVE SILK, RUSTLING OVER YOUR MENTAL AND SPIRITUAL BODIES, COMING INTO ALIGNMENT WITH BOTH, INTO HARMONY WITH THE UNIVERSE.
We will go through the Chakra system with colored clouds. You will breathe them in toward you, then push them away. Do it at your own pace, no matter where we are in the sequence. You won't forget any of the colors.
Envision a small red cloud. You are going to breathe in, and your inhalation is going to pull the red cloud toward you. And as you breathe out, you will go deeper, into a deeper state of mind. Your breath will push the red cloud away.
Envision an orange cloud. Breathe in the orange cloud, pulling it toward you, closer, closer and closer. Breathe out, pushing the orange cloud away....Watch it go. ¥You will go two times deeper than before.
Breathe in a yellow cloud. Breathe in the yellow cloud toward you, watch it drift closer, closer and closer. Now push it away by breathing out. Watch it drift away. Just relax and let it go and you are going three times deeper than before, deeper and deeper.
Breathe in the green cloud, pulling the green cloud toward you, closer, closer and closer. Breathe out pushing the green cloud away. Watch it travel gently away from you. You are going three times deeper than before, totally relaxing.
Breathe in a pink cloud, closer, closer and closer. Breathe out pushing the pink cloud away from you, going three times deeper than before. Feeling safe and secure, loose and limp.
Breathe in the blue cloud, pulling the cloud cloud closer, closer and closer. Breathe the blue cloud away from you, going three times deeper than before. Relax and let it go.
Breathe in the purple cloud, pulling the purple cloud toward you, closer, closer, and closer. Breathe the purple cloud out of your space, pushing it away from you, going three times deeper than before. Feeling safe and secure. Loose and limp.
Breathe in the golden cloud, pulling the golden cloud toward you, closer, closer and closer. Now push it away; you will go five times deeper than before, feeling safe and secure, loose and limp.
A white cloud comes toward you, and on this white cloud is your guardian angel. You are ready now, says your angel, and the angel takes your hand and you mentally step on the cloud and it is floating, floating. Floating in a beautiful universe full of love and harmony, and your cloud floats to a beautiful summer field and lets you and your guardian angel step into this summer field full of flowers and love. THIS IS A SACRED SPACE MADE JUST FOR YOU. Every time you see a flower you will know that the Goddess is in your life and that the angels are willing to help you. The flowers smell so good. Take a deep breath and smell the beautiful flowers, and as you do so you go ten times deeper than before.
Look into the blue sky and you see little clouds, as white as driven snow. These little clouds move together and spell your name in the sky. See your name. The angels are ready for you; they are spelling your name in the clouds. They are happy and so are you. Now a puff of wind comes through the field and rustles your clothing. It passes across the sky and blows away your name. Your name is gone and you are safe and secure, loose and limp.
Your guardian angel takes you by the hand. You feel so good and at peace. You are comfortable, protected and safe. You are going to walk down through this beautiful field. It gently slopes down and there are hills we will walk down, down hill #10, walking down hill #9, down safe and secure, total harmony in every step you take, down hill #8, going deeper and deeper, down hill 7, strolling down deeper and deeper, hill #6, hill #5, #4, #3, in total harmony, down hill #2, down hill #1. Safe and secure, ten times deeper than before.
The temple of the Goddess awaits you. See it at the edge of the field. This is a very special place. You float toward the temple of the Goddess. Feel the peace. In the distance you can hear the sounds of birds chirping and the rustle of the grasses in the fields. You float down a path, past a burbling stream of sparkling clear water. This water has been blessed. Stoop down and take a drink of this holy water. It will cleanse your body of all past difficulties and renews your soul. It is so peaceful and serene here. Move closer to the temple. See how glorious it is. Do you see the angels? They are all about the temple. Some are floating, some are tending the temple gardens, some are sewing, some caring for animals; you can see them and they are all shining.
The wide doors of the temple are in front of you. They are gold and taller and wider than anything you have every seen, and they glow in the sunlight, pulsate; this is a place filled with power.
The doors swing open and you walk through, into the huge Hall of the Angels. It is here where you meet the Goddess of the angels, and she will bestow the gift of angelic alignment upon you. You look up and the Goddess approaches you. She is so beautiful. Her aura shines so brightly you can hardly focus on her caring face. She reaches a hand out toward you in greeting. She smiles and kisses you on the forehead. Your aura glows with healing energy.
The Goddess now asks you the important question; you must answer Her in your mind.
"Are you prepared to receive the alignment that will change your life forever?" (Wait `10 seconds.)
She nods her head and angels from all over the temple surround you with their loving, caring essence. One brings a beautiful cloak and gives it to the Goddess. Then all the angels gather around. Some hold hands in a circle around you. Others float above your head. They are all so happy for you and very excited. The Goddess smiles at you reassuringly and places the beautiful cloak around your shoulders. You can feel its energy start to transmute your essence. Your shoulder blades itch, but you dare not scratch them. And as quickly as the itching begins, it stops.
The Goddess lays her hands upon your shoulders. ";From this day forward," she says, "your life will be in harmony with the universe. You will function one of my angels on earth. You will operate for the good of all. I bestow the gift of harmony and psychism upon you and no one can every take it from you, save myself. Be it known you will lose the gift should you intentionally work magick to harm another for the simple joy of it.," Answer her in your mind that you understand.
She presses lightly on your shoulders, and you feel the energy vortexes of your body begin to align. First the lower Chakra, which is red. Then the orange Chakra in your pelvis. It aligns too. Your body is so harmonious. Now the yellow Chakra at your naval. Moving into alignment with the universe. Now the green Chakra at your heart. Feel your whole essence becoming one with the universe. And now the pink Chakra, bringing universal love into your body. Now the blue Chakra at your throat, pulling gently into harmony. Now the purple Chakra at your temple, where the gift of second sight and wisdom rides. Finally the glowing white crown Chakra, pulsing in tandem with the others, bringing you into total alignment.
The Goddess asks you to kneel at her feet. You do so. She stands above you holding a beautiful silver crown. The angels begin softly saying: "Align, align, align, align." And their voices grow louder. "harmony, harmony, harmony, harmony" "AwwwwwwwwWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" (*Begin softly and increase the sound for a few seconds.)
The Goddess places the crown upon your head and the alignment has occurred. The angels raise you to your feet and congratulate you. Everyone is so happy. you feel different. Changed. Special. You can now go out into the material world and help others, feeling confident, safe, and secure.
The Goddess removes your cloak and guides you to a mirror. You see yourself, transformed and beautiful. You are a shining being and you have wings! Enjoy this place for a few moments and listen as the Goddess gives you a special message. (Wait five minutes.)
Now it is time for you to return. Bid farewell to the angels. You may come back to this temple anytime during your private meditations. It will always be here. You and your guardian angel now leave the temple and go back into the field. I want you to relax a moment, just float and relax. Now I'm going to count from one to five; when I reach the number five you will come back to full consciousness, and you will feel refreshed as if you have had a long rest. You will come back feeling wide awake and wonderful. You will have no side effects from this meditation.
One - begin to come back now. Two -coming up;' three---remember you will be wide awake and feeling very good. Four --- you a re almost there; begin to open your eyes. Five --- open your eyes now. You are wide awake, alert, and feeling well. Wide awake.
Drink a cup of tea, eat a cookie, and record your experiences in your angel journal.
Here are10 practical self-help steps for someone going through the grieving process. These tips are excerpted from my ebook, Evolving Through Grief. I am an unwitting authority on bereavement, grief, suffering and sorrow - I've lost my sister, two best friends, two brothers, mother, father, brother in law, and my son.
- Survive One Hour at a Time.
I distinctly remember being given sound advice from my younger sister, Debbie, who is a nurse practitioner and has worked with terminally ill cancer patients that were children. She told me to get through one hour at a time. As the first day wore on, I recall realizing that I somehow managed to cope with just one hour at a time, because time needed to be experienced through smaller increments, whereas it seemed unbearably impossible to try to go on living without my son for weeks, months or years at a time. As each hour passed, I began to feel comforted that I had survived one hour without going completely mad. Each hour, I began to realize that I could actually go to the bathroom alone, refill my own coffee cup, eat a few bites of food placed before me, and even walk through one room of my house without falling apart. The pain that succumbs you is so overwhelming that everything that has to do with survival has to be broken down into tiny, manageable increments. Before you know it, a whole day has gone by and you have managed to survive.
- Survive One Day at a Time.
Begin to live one day at a time, accepting the loving comfort that family and friends are so willing to give, but know that some down time of quiet solitude is also important. In the next few days I began to realize that although my family and friends had wonderful, sincere intentions, I had to allow myself just a few quiet moments alone to collect my thoughts and to just fall to pieces. Most people couldn't bear to watch me fall apart, and ultimately, in hindsight, that's exactly what I needed to do. What most people don't understand is that to hold in such an exorbitant amount of pain is actually detrimental to a person's physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. At the time, I felt as though my heart had been completely crushed, ripped out, shredded, and then somehow put back into my body as a hardened lump of clay. The sensation in my chest was as though I had a cement block weighing down on it all times. This coupled with intense headaches due to lack of sleep and rest made me feel like a walking zombie. But at the end of each day I'd somehow managed to drift off into sleep, and the next day would come, even if I didn't necessarily welcome it.
- Take Care of Yourself.
Remember to eat, try to get enough rest, and keep all things that are harmful to you (such as alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, and too much stimuli) at a minimum.
Again, although my family and friends had good intentions, perhaps a few moments of complete quiet would have helped rejuvenate my spirit. It's not to say that I should have been left alone, because I probably was too unstable to be left alone, but at least I should have tried to rest more. I also should have forced myself to eat more nutritionally, and should have taken a multi-vitamin to supplement my lack of appetite. If you are fortunate enough to have a loving caregiver, tell that person to help you to remember to eat, to sleep, and not to overdo anything that can be taxing to an already emotionally and physically depleted person.
Ultimately, the initial first few days are the hardest. Simple bodily functions are no longer second nature. After you have been a nurturing caregiver to another living, breathing human being, and that person no longer requires your guidance and care because he or she has left this earth, you are no longer the person you used to be. It's like having a stroke and you have to learn to walk and talk again, except in this case, you may remember to walk and talk, but you don't know how to eat, sleep, dream, or love. You may not even remember how to care for yourself or for anyone else. All of these have to be learned again. In essence, you begin to reinvent yourself.
When you start to feel your sanity slip, do whatever positive thing you can think of to hold on: pray, meditate, go get a full body massage at a spa, scream at a starlit sky, take a trip to a new place, stare at sunsets, lay in an open field and watch the clouds drift, or do all of these things at once: Just do something for you! And don't feel guilty about being selfish about it. You can't do anything for others if you don't take care of yourself first. You can't be loving to others if you aren't loving to yourself first. Then, when you start to feel a sense of renewal, think about extending the love you still want to express for your child in a way that will benefit others. Believe it or not, there will always be someone else who has experienced greater sadness and loss. My brother in law, Abe, sent me a wonderful book called, Finding Purpose for Your Pain, which conveys this same thought. If you truly understand that we are all connected, you begin to understand that the dynamics of your heartache and how you handle it can be a source of comfort and inspiration for others.
- Have Faith.
The first thing I want to address here is that most of the studies show that parents who have strong faith usually have stronger coping skills because of their willingness to admit that there are higher powers for which we cannot comprehend. Of course, the first thing that I did (but have always done and continue to do) was ASAP: Always Say A Prayer. I was fortunate enough to be raised by wonderful parents who taught us the power of prayer as children, and I have witnessed this power over and over again in my life experiences.
Often, it seems easier to pray when you're heartbroken and downtrodden, and sometimes we forget to pray when things are going well. If you have never been a prayerful person, maybe this is a good time to start. A silly movie comes to mind that had a wonderful quote: "Be the miracle." It was from the movie, "Bruce Almighty" and though the movie might have been more entertaining than enlightening, it still held an important message for me: We each can be a miracle no matter what situation we may find ourselves in. If we, as parents who have lost our children, can find a way to be the miracle, it will be that we can learn to carry our burden of sadness no matter how heavy laden and weak we are. ASAP: Again, believe it to be true for you and it will be. How will you know if it works if you haven't tried it?
- Keep Yourself Busy.
Hook or crook, find something to do to keep yourself occupied so that you aren't so caught up in that cycle of loneliness and despair. I have always been one of those people whose biggest fear is being bored. So, I have umpteen hobbies: writing poetry, reading fiction, reading self-help books, playing guitar or piano, playing computer Scrabble and Boggle, reading magazines, sketching, painting, travel, swimming, and doing various arts and crafts. Initially, I completely lost all interest in doing all of my favorite things: reading, swimming, and writing poetry. Doing my favorite things meant that I knew how to take pleasure out of day to day pastimes. How in the world can you take pleasure out of day to day pastimes when you struggle with having a will to live? So, instead, I forced myself to do things that I regularly didn't enjoy: I cleaned house, washed windows, kept the fridge spotless. In other words: I stayed busy.
One of the main things that demanded my attention was that I still had a wonderful family that needed me: my husband, Thomas, my two teenage daughters, Chloe and Rachel, and my six year old son, Joseph. Knowing that they were taking cues from me in how to cope with our tragedy gave me some strength in getting through the routines of living week to week, and month to month. Probably one of the most positive things that happened was that a friend, Laura, had bought Joseph some children's books on grief which were so enlightening and helpful. As a small child who had lost a sibling, Joseph really needed me to guide him through the process. As a result, I gained a lot from the books as well.
Try to occupy your own time and mind with something that will make you feel useful. In the first couple of weeks, we planted trees in honor of my son that were actually gifts from good friends. A close friend, Mary, from work bought me some beautiful frames at my request, and I poured over family albums and had some of my favorite pictures of my son enlarged for framing. My brother, Rick, bought me a scrapbook, and I began to clamor through my son's belongings looking for special memorabilia to save, such as old report cards, Mother's Day and birthday cards that he had made. My principal, Barbara, from the school where I taught fifth grade, bought me a large 16 by 20 inch frame with fourteen slots in it. Picking out pictures of my son that were especially important for immortalizing into the frame took me a week to finish. When I think about having done all these things in my son's honor, I know that I was trying to show the world that my son was still alive in me and in my heart, and that I could never use the past tense of the word, "love," in referring to him.
My love for reading was rekindled when a friend of my husband's sent me a lovely book of daily devotional readings called, Streams in the Desert, by L.B. Cowman. Every morning, I began with reading scripture, beautiful descriptive poetry and prose on faith and hope, and found that somehow, some way, I was beginning to feel rejuvenated and reassured that God really had a purpose in taking my son from me to live with Him. Moreover, I began to feel inspired to write poetry again after two months of being a walking zombie. I found that being lonely meant that I had to become my own best friend all over again.
The opening verse in Chapter 3 is from a song, "Home to Myself." That was my personal song to sing whenever I felt lonely as a teenager. I actually began to write poetry at the age of fifteen to combat the loneliness I felt. I figured that I could always talk to myself, if there was no one else to talk to. As a teacher, I have always taught children that writing in a journal, or prose and poetry, is a wonderful way to get in touch with your thoughts, and to organize them. Thus, to combat my loneliness in the second month, I began to write my thoughts down in my journal. When I read my poetry now after a year has passed, it brings back all of the torment and sadness, yet offers a ray of hope to me. I feel like I was lost at sea and somehow swam back to shore. I felt that I was buried in the desert, somehow dug my way out and stumbled across a trickling stream.
- Keep a Journal.
Turn your obsession with your child into something positive and concrete: Keep a journal. This will help to transmute a negative into a positive.
One of the things that people don't understand is that parents need to continue talking about their child, recounting and reliving every little thing he did or said, good or bad. Many books on grief encourage this type of conversation, so that parents can come to terms with the different relationship that they are beginning to build with the child who is gone. It is a relationship that may not include future joys, but there are so many countless moments of joy in our memories that are precious and priceless, and these need to be preserved for posterity. Talking about them and reminiscing allows us to hold onto these precious memories.
As a poet, I tend to write down my thoughts. Even if writing has never been one of your hobbies, you must realize that what you are experiencing is incredibly unique. Outliving your own child is not the usual course of nature in a person's lifetime. This kind of grief is by far the most difficult one to cope with and the most painful. As I reminisce now about how I felt a year ago, and the calendar has just turned to September, a year and three months later, I'm shocked at how differently I view the world, my relationship with my husband, with my surviving children, with my sweet, beloved son, Gian, and ultimately with myself. This period has been the hardest to sit down and write about, because this chapter of my life a year ago (2nd trimester of grief) was by the far the hardest chapter for me to live.
Even if you don't feel that you're a good writer, it can be so healing for you to keep a journal. The phases of grief can be sporadic and have differing intensities in different circumstances. In the days following my son's birthday, I constantly referred back to the poem I had written to lift my own spirits. Then, as the Georgia weather began to turn into cool, autumn air, I became restless and upset, because fall had always been my most favorite time of the year. Then I found that I couldn't face the autumn without my son. I couldn't face the time passages, the constant memories of autumns passed. I wrote poetry to help me to collect my thoughts, give them a concrete foundation, and to help me to express my sorrow.
Eventually, though, I nose-dived into shock, which led to depression, which led to anger, and eventually led to numbness. The important thing to say here is this: I kept writing about what I was experiencing, so I wouldn't have to hold it all in. I've since found journal entries from that time that seethe with anger and blame. The pain jumped right out of the pages and grabbed me by the throat when I recently read them. The acknowledgement of that pain is what actually led me to begin writing this book. The fact that I actually survived through all of that turmoil let me know that I was managing to harness the pain that I was experiencing. As I continue to harness this pain, I know in my heart that I'm on the path to healing. Chronicling the journey has allowed me to assess my own grief work.
- Seek Out Positive Addictions.
Positive activities such as yoga, meditation, or any form of exercise will enable you to regain a sense of centeredness. The yoga helped me to relax and continues to help me to relax, while the meditation helped me to at least not lie awake frantically for three and four hours at a time. Plus, the benefits of stretching, deep breathing and focused physical movements allow for better circulation and relief from stress. Even now, I experience these periods of insomnia, and have used meditation to at least help me to breathe and relax, succumbing to the elusiveness of not sleeping. At least my body is motionless and I open myself up to quiet solitude while experiencing insomnia.
- Give Yourself Permission to Grieve.
Give yourself permission to grieve, irregardless of what other people need or expect of you. The best part of that long car trip to Santa Fe alone was that I finally was at liberty to grieve: not as someone's wife, mother, teacher, daughter, sister or aunt, but simply as a woman in pain, who had lost her child. When I drove away from my life, I suddenly could look at the maelstrom from a different perspective. The nights I spent in lonely hotel rooms was spent crying, writing, and watching mindless TV, without trying to tend to anyone else's needs. In other words, I wore no hats: no one's wife, no one's mother, no one's teacher, no one's daughter, no one's sister or aunt. What I saw through my own tears was not a pretty sight either. I realized that other people can't fathom your pain, so they'd rather pretend that you're being melodramatic.
- Survive One Day at a Time. Again.
Anticipating holidays, your birthday, your individual family members' birthdays, and especially the birthday of your child who has died, can bring up so many bittersweet, painful memories. If you feel that you're too weak to handle them, know this: the pain you feel is a reflection of the great love you continue to have for your child. A friend of mine, Cathey, passed on this sage advice to me, and I continue to take solace in these words, as I find myself caught unaware and fall to pieces from time to time. "You hurt because you love." So be at liberty to cry, wail, bitch, and moan. You deserve to feel this way.
- Give of Yourself and Connect to Others Who Hurt.
Do volunteer work, delve into a project in which you comfort others, and/or allow your love for your child to manifest itself in doing positive, creative things that can enrich other peoples' lives. The best way to cope with sorrow is to console another.
These 10 grief tips are excerpted from the ebook, Evolving Through Grief by Roe Ziccarello of Sound Feelings Publishing, Tarzana, California.
We're often led to act against ourselves by an undetected weakness that goes before us -- trying to pass itself off to others -- as a strength. In effect, we pretend to be something we're not -- a commonly accepted behavior these days. But any time we feign anything, we do so out of fear that without that "persona" to protect us -- to make that impression we want -- we won't get what we want.
This whole way of thinking is secret self-sabotage. It sinks us in our personal and business relationships as surely as a torpedo wrecks the ship it strikes. Learning how to stop this self-sinking is our focus here. As always, the best way to begin any journey of self-discovery is to gather the light we'll need to succeed. Your consideration of the two special insights that follow will start you down the path to a whole new kind of self-command.
- Any person you feel the need to control or dominate -- so that he or she will treat you as you "think" you should be treated -- will always be in charge of you... and treat you accordingly. Why? Because anyone from whom you want something, psychologically speaking, is always in secret command of you.
- Any action we take to appear strong before another person is actually read by that person as a weakness. If you doubt this finding, review the past interactions and results of your own relationships. The general rule of thumb is that the more you demand or crave the respect of others, the less likely you are to receive it. If you've ever tried to raise children, you know this is true. So it makes no sense to try and change the way others treat you by learning calculated behaviors or attitude techniques in order to appear in charge. The only thing these clever cover-ups really produce is yet another source of secret inner conflict, which, in turn, only fuels further self-sabotage. Besides, what you're really looking for in your relationships isn't command over others -- but over yourself. So what's the answer?
Don't be too surprised by this unusual instruction. A brief examination reveals its wisdom. Following are ten examples of where you may be secretly sabotaging yourself while wrongly assuming you're strengthening your position with others.
- Fawning before people to win their favor.
- Expressing contrived concern for someone's well-being.
- Making small talk to cover up nervousness.
- Hanging onto someone's every word.
- Looking for someone's approval.
- Asking if someone is angry with you.
- Fishing for a kind word.
- Trying to impress someone.
- Explaining yourself to others.
It may help you to succeed sooner if you know that fear has no voice unless it tricks you into giving it one. Choosing inner seeing over the wish to be seen by others in a complimentary light stops the cycle of self-sabotage. Who you really are doesn't need protection from any event in life -- regardless of how challenging -- any more than a mountain needs a raincoat to get through a summer storm!
Excerpted from Guy Finley's newest bestseller, "The Essential Laws of Fearless Living," a Red Wheel/Weiser publication. For a limited time you can order this groundbreaking new book for a deeply discounted price, PLUS, receive over 108 free bonus items including Guy Finley's bestselling 60-minute DVD, "The Power to Never Again Feel Powerless." It's a complete life-changing package! Quantities are limited. Visit EssentialLaws.org right now to take advantage of this incredible offer.
Quote Of The Week
"Real difficulties can be overcome. It's the imaginary ones that are unconquerable."
Be still for a minute, and pay attention to what's around you (and what, of course, is alive within you). What is it, in this moment, that's bringing you joy?
What, in this moment, is bringing you joy?
- Shade Law
- Cheryll and husband
- All Earth's Animals
- And all that need healing
Thank you to all that send much needed healing, it is a great gift you share.
We shall do much in the years to come,
but what have we done today?
We shall give our gold in a princely sum,
but what did we give today?
We shall lift the heart and dry the tear,
We shall plant a hope in the place of fear,
We shall speak the words of love and cheer
but what did we speak today?
We shall be so kind in the afterwhile,
but what have we been today?
We shall bring each lonely life a smile,
but what have we brought today?
We shall give to truth a grander birth,
And to steadfast faith a deeper worth,
We shall feed the hungering souls of earth,
but whom have we fed today?
We shall reap such joys in the by and by,
but what have we sown today?
We shall build us mansions in the sky,
but what have we built today?
'Tis sweet in idle dreams to bask,
but here and now do we do our task?
Yes, this is the thing our souls must ask,
"What have we done today?"
Hoping you've enjoyed this volume! Take care, til next time!
In Love and Light,
Jodie~Founder Of United In Spirit