Self-forgiveness, an Act of Life

This section is extracted from Robert D. Waterman's book Self-

forgiveness, an Act of Life (1976). For a copy of the book, contact 

Dr. Waterman.

Though the temptation is there to think of self-forgiveness as a 

technique, it does not function so in practical application. The 

concept will be developed by elaborating on fifteen qualities of self-

forgiveness.

1. The deepest tendency within humankind is toward balance and 

growth. All urges, needs, desires, and accomplishments somehow stem 

from our own archetype seeking to fulfill itself.

2. Whether the individual works with or against those deepest 

tendencies is a matter of choice. Humankind rules his life by choice 

and in experience man dramatizes who he is. Regardless of age he will 

meet situations and subdue or be subdued by them according to the 

meaning structure through which he perceives the events. He may alter 

what was already known in order to adapt, or move blindly in the face 

of his own darkness. The choice is an expression of love and will.

3. Situations in themselves are not unbalancing; our response, the 

meaning we impute, the choice we make, can imbalance. Any experience 

represents an opportunity for growth and any situation we encounter 

has the potential to integrate or dissociate our ability to live from 

our inner vitality.

4. Though we may not be able to change past situations, we can change 

the meaning we carry within us regarding those events. Although an 

experience is in the past, we can relive the experience in the 

present and change the meaning we made out of the experience. Recall, 

in itself, is not enough. The interrupting experience must be 

transformed. We can change our mind and as we do, the pain evoked 

reactivates the inducing mental-emotional judgment, releasing both as 

the pattern becomes conscious. As these patterns are systematically 

released, the natural flow of life-force through the body is 

reestablished, as well as mental, physical, and emotional well-being.

5. Choice always involves three components: thought, emotion, and 

action: symbol, energy, and direction: love, will, and consequence. 

We cannot avoid choice. Abdication of choice is a choice. As we 

cannot avoid choice, we cannot avoid responsibility. The 

understanding of the self is acquired through experience. The process 

of acquiring is perfect in the beginning and always will be. The step 

called mistake is in a sequence which is a perfect process of 

experimental discovery. If we attach our identity to the mistake, we 

are in effect a mistake. After a while our identification as mistake 

rather than a maker-of-mistakes leads us to the philosophical 

conclusion that we have no power to alter that conclusion. Our 

ability to create is blurred by identifying with the mistake. We lose 

the ability to recycle our mistakes through the "purifying fires" of 

the Higher Mind. To fear to act because we may be wrong is the 

greatest wrong because we abdicate our "dominion" and our "inward 

kingdom" which results in our outward domain falling to external 

forces and controls. We narrow our conscious awareness to a small 

realm of threatening shadows.

6. Cause and effect have in each life a historical pattern of 

connectedness and are woven and re-woven through individual 

understanding of its symbol, energy and direction.

7. The reference, or locus, for the natural tendency within humankind 

for balance and growth is within. It is hard to imagine the 

potential for creative human influence when individuals recognize the 

degree of inner authority that can be exercised. The locus of 

intellect and love within us is far deeper than we perform -- it is 

at the depth that we are a Being that is one with the Father-Mother 

principle, and yet still deeper, the un-manifested Source. In this 

Higher Self reference we so loved the possibility of ourselves that 

we created a begotten personality as an instrument of growth and 

change so that we might understand our eternality, and thus live 

consciously in our eternal perception as co-creators with the Divine.

8. Each choice, large or small, has an effect (a consequence) of 

either moving a personality closer to his or her deeper being or 

further away.

9. Self-forgiveness is a choice with an outcome of greater 

cooperation with the inherent, internal tendency toward balance and 

growth. When in response to circumstances we create self-pity, 

injury, fear, grudges, etc, we deny to ourselves the use of a great 

resource, presence intellect and power from within us. Divine love is 

unconditional and ever forgiving and is available to us directly 

through the Higher Consciousness. When we attach ourselves to an 

external reference through judgment, we block the consciousness of 

redeeming love and super-conscious wisdom from our use. When we 

relive the energy and symbol that blocked us and forgive ourselves, 

the Divine Balance is allowed to enter our personality and establish 

the same condition in our personality world that exists in our higher 

consciousness world. 

10. The activation of self-forgiveness is enhanced or impeded by 

group-process.

11. Self-forgiveness is as effective as it is sincere; yet, is 

activated according to the individual ability level. Sincerity is a 

skill. You may be at a level of sincerity and tell me that you will 

do this or that, yet in ten minutes you may have grown in sincerity 

and discover that in reference to now you lied, yet it seemed true 

then. If you take on guilt or try to justify the discrepancy you will 

lose the gain you made. However, if you confront your lie and take 

action to fully utilize the gain, the lie becomes a positive action 

and moves into a corrective law. We may re-experience a distorted 

moment and forgive ourselves and release much.

12. Self-forgiveness is a conscious choice, a subconscious 

realization and a higher -consciousness acceptance (It is not a 

belief). Self-forgiveness is not a belief -- it is a knowing and as 

such our choice and statement places it as an active element within 

us. When we re-experience the past and choose consciously to change, 

corollary patterns occur subconsciously and super-consciously. There 

is a realization of the impact of the conscious choice: the 

experience of release and change of meaning is recorded in place of 

the old interpretation. Super-consciously new vistas present 

themselves to the conscious mind. Reprogramming can change patterns 

in the subconscious mind through repetitious affirmation -- but self-

forgiveness changes the patters in the subconscious mind through 

direct intervention of the Higher Self. 

13. Self-forgiveness is spontaneous in people who have gained the 

ability to relate to the unity of life with the entirety of their 

being. Even though we may be self-realized beings and all our 

conscious levels are highly synthesized, we are still here, still 

growing, and still confronted with choices and mistaken choices. The 

difference is that when our growth is more progressive than 

evolutionary, realization of the mistakenly applied energy is 

sufficient to release it. Release and understanding, both act and 

consequence, become spontaneous.

14. Self-forgiveness carries the implication that all events are 

purposeful and ultimately worthwhile. If self-forgiveness allows us 

to claim an understanding that we did not possess before, then the 

purpose of difficulty is to solve that difficulty, to understand, to 

extend and expand the ability level of our Soul -- it seems that all 

souls are equal in their perfection but not in their ability level. 

In this context, we conceive that we have never done anything that 

was not worthwhile. We were always worthy in ourselves; it was the 

belief in attachment to error that created a sensation of 

unworthiness. When the sense of inherent worthiness returns, growth 

accelerates and balance is enhanced. Our quest is to learn to use our 

inherent worth to master life.

15. Self-forgiveness is economical - the best use of human energy 

that can be made out of any event, for experience is only wasteful 

when it is not used for growth, for greater understanding; we are 

wasteful to the degree we are ego-attached to our mistakes. There is 

a moral imperative in the understanding of energy and its exchange 

and perhaps the only moral imperative: "Unto thyself be true"; 

THYSELF -- not the belief patterns of the mind that masquerade as 

self. The personality is a garment, a vehicle by which our Being 

might enter the real of Earth to gain the wisdom thereof. It is to 

the Being that we are true. There is no dogma to re-alignment of the 

personality -- mind, emotion, and body -- with the Soul and Spirit, 

only self-forgiveness. We hold within us a vision of what we could be 

and an image of what we are -- how we handle this discrepancy is 

crucial.